COVID DIARIES

It’s very difficult to predict how Covid lockdown has affected individuals. It depends on factors such as age, health, finances, physical fitness, occupation etc. However, one factor which greatly affects any individual is ” I am married and stay with my wife” in which case, The Covid Lockdown takes a totally new “Avatar”.
There is no harm in letting you know a bit about my wife and myself. This will make you understand the nuances of lockdown. In my case, life was very simple. In fact it was a beautiful routine; four times a week, golf. The rest of the time, I had intelligently distributed between reading, TV, cell, phone, gardening, cooking and sleeping. This kind of enviable schedule can happen only if you are on good terms with the LOH (Lady of the House). One has to keep this bubble of happiness very carefully from bursting. The wellbeing of the bubble is dependent on the level of understanding, kindness and benevolence shown by the LOH.

The LOH, on the other hand, led a more engaging and productive life before the lockdown. Being a principal of a very large school for more than a decade followed by consulting job in the same school had established her routine to a T. She would go to the school five days a week as against my four days on the golf course. She left home at half past seven in the morning and returned home at six in the evening. In the ensuing period the school gave her ample opportunity to exert her authority, interact with teachers, staff and children, point out their shortcomings, praise, rebuke, disagree, approve and indulge in a host of mentally and intellectually challenging tasks.

We were practicing Social Distancing much before it became compulsory.

A good sun downer with the LOH followed by a light dinner ended the day most amicably.

We are very fortunate to have an excellent domestic help (DH). Between my golf and LOH’s school, the DH managed the house and the cooking. We played almost no role in the running of the house, except for keeping the store and fridge full.
LOH was left alone to engage her free time in going for health walks, quenching her literal thirst and watching Master Chef without fail. She was very happy and managed to live a well- rounded life. A perfect example of managing the  work-life balance.

Life in this “Never Never Land” came to an abrupt halt on 24 Mar 2020. Golf courses and schools were closed. Lockdown was enforced. Next morning, I got up late and fixed myself a cup of fresh coffee and came to the patio to read the newspaper. Lo and behold, LOH was already in the patio occupying my favourite chair and in possession of the newspaper. This was absolute blasphemy, unthinkable and outrageous. I mustered a lot of courage and expressed my unhappiness by grunting and hee – hawing. All my antics had no effect on the LOH and I had to accept defeat and sulk in silence.

Lockdown had started taking charge.

LOH is a very good cook. However, due to unavoidable circumstances she had distanced herself from the kitchen and mundane activities such as cooking, provisioning and other culinary tasks. Now that circumstances had changed, she dug out the old apron and was battle ready. Throwing caution to the wind, she entered the kitchen and announced ” I will cook lunch”. Hearing this great proclamation, I did a tactical withdrawal and hid myself behind a Wodehouse. In a jiffy, I was bombarded with a barrage of questions. Where are the knives kept, where is atta, jeera, sugar, chilli, where is Pril and so on. My first reaction was to say “This is what happens when you enter the kitchen after a very long time”. Shakespeare came to the rescue and I decided that discretion was the better part of valour and kept mum.

Having exhausted the “WHERE”  part, the LOH now turned her attention to the “WHY”.
Why are ghee and oil in separate places? None of the masalas are in the same place, why are small eat packets kept with aloo? Why are spoons and forks mixed up? On and on and on went the interrogation.

Men are genetically prone to giving quick responses. These days it is called, “Foot in the mouth disease.” It’s been there even before  Corona. Falling prey to this disease, I said “If you know how to cook, all these small issues do not matter. “
OMG, that statement was the last straw. I had deliberately opened “Pandora’s Box”. What happened thereafter was pure massacre.

LOH retorted “If you spend more time at home than on the golf course,the kitchen would be better organized”. I did not see the connection but kept quiet. Once bitten twice shy also helps if cornered in any argument with the LOH. “I am going to reorganize the entire kitchen, change the containers, exchange all old and useless utensils YOU HAVE KEPT!” announced the LOH. In defence I wanted to say,” Darling, why did you wait so long?” But you will agree with me when I say that courage has its limitations.

Life, as I knew it, completely changed. LOH was not happy with the washing machine. It was not obeying her instructions. She was unprepared to tolerate this impertinence on the part of the WM. At the first available opportunity, a technician arrived from Urban Clap and set it right.

New and innovative methods of sweeping and swapping have been introduced. Shoot at sight orders are in force till the floor dries up. A new bucket mop has been ordered from Amazon. A new bathroom mop is also in place. Presently the side board is under attack. I have been tasked with the decision of whether the ceramics should go in the bottom shelf or cleaning items. I am yet to decide on this vexing issue. I am too scared to suggest a total overhaul of her clothes cupboard, which needs her immediate attention. It has reached the stage of ‘ CAUTION – Open at your own risk. Sarees will fall without warning ‘.

An intrinsic desire to take charge is present in all of us to some degree. But in the case of the ‘Teacher Tribe’, it manifests itself into unheard of proportions. The interview starts in a very tame manner. LOH starts an unsolicited question hour “What are you doing?”
” Nothing. I am reading the newspaper”.
” I know. I can see you are reading.(Then why do you ask? ) But you have been at it for one hour. You have nothing else to do. Why don’t you clean your cupboard? It’s a mess.
“Nothing wrong with it.”
At this juncture she changes tack to catch you off guard.
“Why didn’t you clean up the kitchen table after you made breakfast?”
“I cleaned and left a neat kitchen.”
” NO YOU DIDN’T, I had to redo the whole place. If this is your idea of cleanliness, from now on, please don’t cook. (Cool, don’t ask me to make Masala Dosa and BTW, navy teaches all its sons how to clean from cadets’ time onwards. It’s called “Clean ship” and we are very good at it) .

The day turns into evening. After a bit of exercise and a hot bath, we gather in the patio to deliberate on various topics. This is when the old and trusted ‘ Laphroaig’ comes to the rescue. All is forgotten, smiles return and bonhomie is ushered in.

No Covid lockdown can break a relationship of forty odd years.

 Cheers.